I think that love would avoid the writer of your blog altogether. Love would find your search through your blog similar to looking for a butterfly so you can tack it to a peg board. I personally felt a continual thread of latent bitterness throughout your entries, which confuses me.
This honestly comes as no surprise to me. I know myself, I have dug deep inside. I am also not looking for an animal to capture! I'm looking for an adult, mature woman - who is both honest and loving of life. Who has achieved independence yet desires to give it up freely to the mutual sharing with a person they love. This blog is to help explain (provide a roadmap) my future behavior, motivations, and innermost feelings. A human woman is a sentient being, not an animal I wish to capture - but someone I wish to invite with love and poetry. My poetry may be crude, the words on this blog page, but it is mine! To the right ears, I hope it sings of beauty.
Let me poorly (imperfectly) stab at the opposite of me. Professional mask wearers.
Politicians and actors on a screen are often not telling the truth! They are not seeming bitter, but often you find out behind the scenes (of politicians) that these people are hiding their private lives and feelings - but seeming as though they are not bitter. "Crowd pleasers". They are mastering expression, they are not mastering their spirituality or their self-knowledge.
Nor do I believe that being bitter itself is an accomplishment. Being bitter does not make me smart. I am not bitter, I am loving, but I am an unusual and seemingly unpleasant taste for most. I am like black coffee, scotch wiskey, black pepper, vinegar, and blue cheese. Take what analogy you like.
If you read my first blog posting, I reference the Erotic Irony - which gets into this. Being honest about myself is ironically driving away the very love that I desire. I am entirely aware of this, I have a name for it, and this blog is affirmation of this aspect of myself!
Do imperfect people deserve no love? Do you think that once you achieve success in life it is permanent? Life is a struggle, sorrow is part of the opera, and this sparrow is learning to sing his own song! It is a song of spirituality, mutual love, unconditional love - and unconditional forgiveness. I don't think anyone is perfect, including myself. Imperfect people deserve my love, everyone has love. I love myself. If you love yourself... are you willing to help create an us/we/together that loves each other?
I know how to be independent. This society, USA in 2010, is all about independence. Children are raised by single parents, people aren't bothering to get married, divorce rate higher for second marriage than it is for the first! It takes a brave person to stand up and say - yes, I am in an imperfect world, people are imperfect - but I will do my best! Including trying to fix my mistakes, learn. I also forget, and try to re-learn. I strive to both know how to criticize the world but also to love it!
Yes, I hear the feedback, but I suggest that the person who wrote it to me - I think isn't hearing nor understanding the deep meaning of Erotic Irony and why I identify it with the true me of me.
Joseph Campbell: "The writer must be true to truth." And that's a killer, because the only way you can describe a human being truly is by describing his imperfections. The perfect human being is uninteresting -- the Buddha who leaves the world, you know. It is the imperfections of life that are lovable. And when the writer sends a dart of the true word, it hurts. But it goes with love. This is what [Thomas] Mann called "erotic irony," the love for that which you are killing with your cruel, analytical word.
Bill Moyers: I cherish that image: my hometown love, the feeling you get for that place, no matter how long you've been away or even if you never return. That was where you first discovered people. But why do you say you love people for their imperfections?
Joseph Campbell: Aren't children lovable because they're falling down all the time and have little bodies with the heads too big? Didn't Walt Disney know all about this when he did the seven dwarfs? And these funny little dogs that people have -- they're lovable because they're so imperfect.
I can love all the world, that does not mean I have sex with just anyone. I can not even learn everyone's name if I spent the rest of my life. I can not spend all my time with all the world! Not practical! There are 6,800,000,000 alive on this earth - and many forms of love, perhaps more than people! I am not looking for a new brother, sister, or father. I am not looking for a one-night-stand of romance - I am looking for an equal partner in life's imperfection! Bring your imperfections, I bring mine, let's forge unity!
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